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It was a lot worse than it lookedIf anyone has any doubts that Michael Jackson was in a bad way before his death, the Coroner's report released today should erase them. There were anxiety meds, panic attack meds, muscle relaxers, anti-depressants and enough Propofol to sedate the Budweiser Clydesdales, and all of it was supposedly Michael's. He must have been in a drug-induced stupor 24-7. How sad that his children's last memories of him are of a drug-addled bag of bones. I hope at least the nannies had the sense to shield them from Daddy's drug den.

While Papa Joe, Randy and the other Jackson outcasts threw themselves in front of any camera they saw, Dr. Conrad Murray was arraigned and charged with involuntary manslaughter in the superstar's death. He plead not guilty and bailed out with a warning from the judge not to over-medicate any more people to death. Giving Michael Jackson Propofol like that, and then leaving him unattended to go chat on the phone, was horribly negligent. The doctor had to know there were serious risks; otherwise why would he have drugs on hand to counteract the effects of sedatives. You know, to jumpstart his heart again if he needed it.

BrittanyWell that was quick, wasn't it? And unfortunately, it's also not surprisingly in the least. The LA County Coroner has ruled Brittany's death was caused by "community acquired pneumonia, iron deficiency anemia, and multiple drug intoxication", according to TMZ. That pretty much means that like Anna Nicole Smith, Brittany had some serious health issues but the people around her kept her too f**ked up to seek proper medical treatment.

Perhaps that's the real reason Slimy Simon canceled his fundraiser grand opening for his Brittany Murphy Foundation, a new non-profit he's founding with no clear goals or organization but worth, in his mind, $1,000 a plate. Perhaps Simon's thinking about the prescription bottles found with his name on them ... or all those ATM withdrawals investigators may find.

Will Simon, or anybody else, face charges over Brittany's death? It remains to be seen, but obviously someone dropped the ball. I wonder how long it will be before Brittany's mom (and heir) gets sick of his malarkey and sends him to the curb.

melWhat an arrogant prick. But we knew that about Mel, didn't we? He's proven it time and time again.

Mel has been trying to rehab his image for the last few years. He tries and tries but the arrogant prick in him always manages to shine through. I used to think it was because he was just a nasty drunk, but from the looks of the clip Celebitchy is running he can be plenty nasty without booze.

In the clip a reporter asks Gibson if he thinks the public will look at him differently because of all his little scandals - the DUI, the sugar tits, the affairs, and finally the love child. Sure, we'll look at him differently. Mel Gibson was an A-list leading man in the 80s. Now he's just an arrogant prick making weird movies nobody wants to see.

Perhaps Mel knows this, because he became rather snotty with the reporter. “That’s almost four years ago, dude. I’ve moved on I guess you haven’t.” The reporter pressed on, further annoying Mr. Fertility. When the reporter closed the interview and signed off, Mel thought the cameras had stopped filming and muttered, "Asshole," shaking his head. Huh. I know you are but what am I?

Come over for coffee! Please?It's like spinster feng shui. What was originally planned as his-and-hers bathrooms are now hers and a spa and soaking tub room. After slumming around with man whores like John Mayer and Gerard Butler, I bet that ol' soakin' tub comes in handy.

The great American spinster unveiled her remodeled home to Architectural Digest, probably because she knows Brad reads it all the time. In the article she says her house is like a "big hug - a Zen-like hug that's free of the scent of manliness", but this story, her house and everything else in her life just screams lonely, lonely, lonely to me.

Maybe she's hoping to change all that by opening her home for this feature. Courtney and David are really tired of being her only friends, and with a possible baby on the way they need some time to themselves. Don't worry about Jen, though. As long as she's got a movie to promote she'll have a man on her arm, and she's got Norman to tuck her in at night. Aww, who are we kidding? You know what that soaking tub is really for - she's given up burning baby dolls on the beach. Too smelly, too public. Now she drowns them in the tub. One. At. A. Time.

I got somethin' for you, ShiaOh, it's gonna be a war, people. When these two flyweights collide there will be hair gel and wrist splints everywhere. What if someone gets like, hurt or something. Without their pretty faces, their careers are down the tubes. Oscar caliber they're not.

But they do both have promising careers, even if they're still not leading man quality in a grown-up film. Zac has been doing his best to act like the mature serious young thespian - gone are the teen idol pout poses and the whole HSM thing that made him a household name. He wants to make that difficult transition to serious roles. Does he have staying power? Can he even act? That remains to be seen.

Shia, for his part, has been doing his best to stay out of trouble. Gone are the drunken outbursts in drug stores. His two big roles so far have been in Transformers and the last Indiana Jones. Does he have the chops? Maybe, if he keeps his shit together.