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The Return Of Blohan: Snl And Linda Lovelace Will Have To Wait. Lindsay Faces 30 Days For Dirty Drug Test

Welcome back, bitchAlready, you say? What took her so long, I say. Saying Lindsay's substance abuse problems have been solved after only two weeks in jail and less than a month in rehab is like saying BP can just throw a couple guys in a rowboat with a bucket in the Gulf to clean up that little bitty oil slick. It would consume them before they even made a dent in it; Lindsay's drug habits will likewise continue to consume her because she hasn't been given the time and the tools with which to fight them.

TMZ was the first to report today that the little cokie that did (and did and did) has already come up dirty in at least one drug test, allegedly for that disco dust she loves so much. Now she's got to face a probation violation hearing some time next week, and could go back to the slammer for another grueling 30-day stretch ... probably at least 20 minutes this time. She doesn't need lock-up. You know this stupid bitch will find a way to get (and stay) high if she's in the stir. She obviously can't help herself, and she certainly can't look to her family for support. Interestingly enough, White Oprah hasn't said a peep yet about this troubling latest development, but that's probably only because she's still cooking up some cracked-out conspiracy theory. Or she's conspiring to cook up some crack. Either way she's useless.

On the other side of the family fence sits the dreaded Papa Lohan, crusader for his daughter's sobriety when he's not beating his girlfriends or selling topless pictures he took when they were asleep/passed out. This deranged, self-righteous piece of shit says it's his fault that Lindsay is so f**ked up, and I agree. He says if she would let him back into her life he would help her stay clean. I think if Lindsay had to live with him she'd impale herself on her crackpipe. No, Lindsay's family cannot help her. She should reach out to Redmond O'Neal. He overcame some monstrous family/drug issues, and he's said to be doing well these days. That's the kind of friends Lindsay needs to make if she's going to survive, not the "bad influences" she's allegedly surrounding herself with again. Speaking of, isn't it curious that Sam Ronson has been hanging around again? And now Lindsay comes up dirty? Huh. That's curious, all right. Real curious.

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