BzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzYowza. It's amazing what a couple of weeks off the wagon can do for a girl's face. And no, it's not an old picture - this was taken Sunday night. Look at those puffy, glazed eyes, the frozen smile, the pasty, leathery skin ... she looks older than White Oprah in this picture doesn't she? She needs to stop washing her face in Tang.
Lindsay must be drinking up a storm, or poppin' that hillbilly heroin again. Just hearing her dad list all the drugs she used to take must have started her jonesing. Uncle Whats-his-face is always blowing bong hits in the back room and Mom's constantly riding her ass about appearing on her reality show. It's all starting to wear the old Firecrotch down.
The media sensation Lindsay's Marilyn shoot for New York magazine didn't actually happen the way she hoped it would. As a matter of fact, except for the heavy breathing and zipper action from the folks who get off on messed up chicks, it would appear that no one cares. I don't think even a fourth trip to rehab can change that, and Dancing With the Stars is already booked for this season. Maybe Ali can give her a job.
