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Do they have Craigslist here?Wow. All dolled up and no one to ... never mind. I won't finish it.

Poor little Zaquisha looks like an abandoned puppy stuck outside in a rainstorm. On Christmas Eve. It's just so hard to be pretty.

Ever since that photo of Zac kissing another svelte young man hit the web, Zac has been terribly lonely. His mysterious lover, furious at the unwanted exposure, has withheld certain favors from his High School Mansicle, sending him into a frenzy of unrequited passion.

Stuck on location on the Isle of Man during the shooting of some movie no one will see, Zac couldn't even find a dinner buddy. "Wow," he must have thought. "Do you mean I'll have to use my own money to buy the food? Who's going to cut the meat up for me? Did you tell them to hold the MSG? You know I retain water with too much MSG." It's really no surprise the little dude dined alone.