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Prettyboring Presents The Top 3 Warning Signs Of Hard Core Addiction: Firecrotch Edition

Coulda been a contendah instead of an upright1. When they use your (second in less than three months) DUI mug shot in a liquor industry ad opposing ignition interlocks.

2. Permanent vivid orange discoloration of upper lip and sideburn areas; seemingly increases in correlation with dilation of pupils. Hmm.

3. Non-baby lumps and bumps (aka coke bloat): Get thee to a spa. Or Jiffy Lube. Lose the double chin. You're barely legal and you're already saggin' and baggin'. Shame. On. Your. Lazy. Ass.

Lindsay is definitely a talented and charismatic actress - when she's on. That's almost never these days. All she wants to do is dance, party and stare off into space like a big orange mannequin. That starstruck gaze is about as sexy as cole slaw.

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